proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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