I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
