Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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