Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
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What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
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Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Dick very happy bro
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