Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
