Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
