the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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