Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
What a dumb baby whore.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
