I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
