where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
