Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize