now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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