'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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