He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
