You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
