I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
