cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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