Christians are straight up FREAKS
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
