how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
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