everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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