clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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