Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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