in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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