I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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