TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.