Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.