Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
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They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
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Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.