new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
