I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
