He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
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