I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
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Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
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I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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