Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
