before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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