I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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