i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
BRING THE BAGELS
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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