The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize