just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
