so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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