if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
