I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
