listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
