I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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