2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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