ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
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He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
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How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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