pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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