Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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