how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
