she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
