Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
