Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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