but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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