the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Boobs are out for the taking
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
