ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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