You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
