Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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