don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
