There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
