somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
