nut hugger
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
