I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Randomize
