I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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